PERSPECTIVES: Smiling Again

Plenty of great things happened to me in 2006 and also in the past couple of years. I settle into a new home near Boston’s Beacon Hill. My business took off and my daughter achieved new heights at school. Career-Family-Lifestyle, it was the triple play of living. But something was troubling me and it was pulling me down from even greater success.

After years of living in harmony with my fellows, believing in the goodness in people’s hearts and placing faith in their intentions, I woke up to a reality that seemed shocking. I looked around and felt surrounded by the evil spirits of people who seemed desperate to defame my character and make me feel worthless. Their motivation? I stepped on their ego while challenging their supremacy during committee meetings where we were all supposedly working together. Their backlash was fierce. I opened my eyes to see a beast in front of me. The beast is a generation so self-absorbed and driven by the desire for personal glory that they are numb to the needs of others and more than willing to manipulate situations to serve their own interests.

I said to myself, “What are we becoming?” (Not all of us of course—there are millions of kind, loving people in the world.) And I found myself starting to analyze this beast and found it had a name: The backstabber. The backstabber is a special personality type who, when we allow it, can keep us in a state of anxiety and rob us of our sanity. The backstabber must be stopped. So for the sake of my own peace of mind and hopefully your own, I created a list of characteristics that we all should keep in mind in an attempt to root out the iniquity of certain people (fortunately not all by a long shot) who live, work and play among us. (See How to Spot a Backstabber.)

A person is only as strong as those around him. The answer lies with each one of us. Only when we can work in a spirit of cooperation, not competition, can we accomplish worthy goals. As leaders on any level, whether at the PTA, a charitable committee, or in an important corporate or government post, we must listen to all sides, refrain from squashing out-of-the-box thinking, and come together as team players without regard for which one of us gets the credit for our work. The good news is that we have choices. We don’t have to change ourselves or our principles for others. We can choose not to associate with backstabbers or adapt their underhanded tactics.

These days, I use the “Three strikes and you’re a f**king backstabber” rule. If I find that you are underhanded, I don’t need to associate with you. Once I had the courage to identify the backstabbers who were out for their own glory, I minimized my association with them. I was happy again and remain so!

 

How to Spot a Backstabber

The typical backstabber will always be lurking. Lurking to see what you do, when you do it and how you do it.

In the office, the backstabber might just be the person who comes to your cubical seemingly just to chat, but he is up to no good.

Whenever the opportunity arises, the backstabber will use the CC (or the BCC) function in emails to cover his backside.

The backstabber will never take any blame upon himself. Never.

The backstabber pretends to be naive about very obvious things for the sake of seeing how you react.

The backstabber’s main goal is to expose your failings in front of as many people as possible. In meetings he tends to laugh a lot, and he may ask stupid questions. Don’t fall into this stupidity trap. His goal is to get you to open your mouth and make a fool of yourself.

All backstabbers are naturally very selfish and spoiled people. They will do anything to get what they want. This includes behaving like whores, bribery and flirting with someone else’s husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend.

Ignoring the backstabber is not an option, because that’s when you’re most vulnerable!

 

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